hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You're a waste of cheezeits
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
