No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize