I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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