i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
