some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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