You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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