I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
whose parrot is this?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
