I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
