We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize