Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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