Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
