3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Randomize
