currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
