if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
