I don't usually arrange sex via text message
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
we're so committed to being not committed
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
