Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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