Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
