There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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