So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
