im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
