Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
