Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
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