So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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