i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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