I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
