am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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