Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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