did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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