I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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