Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
