Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
tell me about the fingering
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