if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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