She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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