i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
