Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
