What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
