george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
