So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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