How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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