he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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