He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
