Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
