Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
