My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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