You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
