I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
