ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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