Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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