The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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