Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
