Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
