So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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