Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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