how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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