Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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