just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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