if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize