Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize