I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
