My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
