Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
