need another drink. this is the easiest way
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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