Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Randomize
