Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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