literally had 100 drinks last night.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
